Atlanta isn't the only place with weirdos on public transportation... The MTA has hordes.
MTA stands for Metropolitan Transportation Authority. MARTA and MTA are so close they must be sister transportation systems... but these sisters attract the weirdos...
It's long, but it's got to be heard:
We arrive in New York and catch an MTA bus to Manhattan Island to make the connection to the subway. Before each stop the "Next Stop" indicator would light up. The female bus driver would dutifully stop at the station and open the doors. After a minute or so of waiting and no one getting off, she announces, "Don't be pushing the button if you aren't getting off."
She closes the door and drives on. Indicator flashes on. She stops at the next station and no one gets off. She yells "Listen! Push the button only if you are getting off! Don't be foolin around!"
She closes the door and drives on. Indicator flashes on. She stops and again no ones gets off. "All right. Who is the monkey? Who's the joker? He better get off my bus!"
Everyone begins to look at each other accusingly. "No one pushed it Ma'am."
The driver screaming: "What are you trying to tell me, boy? Some monkey been jokin around pushing the button and not getting off! I'm going sit her and wait for him to get off the bus!" ...
Eventually, she closes the door and drives on. At the next station the same thing happens. Driver: "Okay, okay, okay. This bus is outta service! We ain't going no where!"
Crowd of passengers screaming back: "Hey come on, no one pushed it!" "We gotta get going" "This is ridiculous!" "Drive on!" and some other things that are unrepeatable.
At least Anya had a show to watch. She was expectedly content with all the commotion. She loves excitement...
"Okay, but from now on you have to TELL me when you want to get off! I'm not using the indicator anymore! You punks!" She drives on.
Like always, the light flashes on. She drives past the next stop. Passenger: "What are you doing? I pushed the button! That's my stop!" - "I told you I wasn't using that thang! YOU GOTTA TELL ME"
"STOP THE BUS! I WANT OFF"
We all wanted off. This bus was crazy. I guess 40 people or more can lose it over a malfunctioning button... and the bus driver wanted to put it out of service... I'm glad our stop came soon after. We got off. The subway itself was wonderful....
...
A few days later, we caught the same bus going back to the airport at 4 am. Oh boy. There is only one bus every hour at that time of day and our flight leaves at 6. I hope we make it.
First obstacle was a fire in the middle of the road. The female driver had to take a detour around a key intersection that was blocked off by a number of fire trucks. Great. That's not going to help us get there sooner.
"What are you doing? This isn't the way to the airport. I'm going to be late!"
"There's a fire in the road and it's all blocked off. We have to go around... Does anyone know if I can go this way?"
Another passenger: "Yah that's the way. Turn right here and then a left!"
Someone else: "What are you talking about? That's a one way! We can't go that way. That was the worst idea! Go down there and then turn around!"
"What!" Verbal fighting ensues with a panicked driver at the wheel... Hmmm. Anya's falling asleep.
Eventually we find ourselves on the other side of the fire. Finally.
Somehow an MTA official is nearby (fire related?) and gets her to stop the bus and asks her to open the window. "What are you doing?"
"I was just trying to get around the fire."
"You can't go off the designated route without permission. I might have to put this bus out of service and suspend you right now."
"Oh come on. These people are already late... HEY! Passengers! What do you say? Am I alright? Who's got my back!"
Random passengers (including myself): "Yah." - "She's doing a good job!" - "Let her go!" - "We got to get to the airport!"
"Alright. But no funny stuff!" We drive on.
Woooh! That was close. We were going to be quite late as it was but hopefully it can't get worse than a fire... Oh yes it can!
A few stops later we pull up to a red light behind a taxi cab with two doors. The taxi driver and his drunk passenger are fighting over the fare.
Our bus driver "Hey. Get off the road. I got a bus full of people who are late. We gotta get to the air-" Someone interrupts, "Hey, They're fighting!" - "A fight! Check it out" - "Awesome" - "He whoopin' 'em!"... This continues for a few minutes. Minutes we don't have to spare.
"Wait! He's coming over to the bus!"
Drunk man: "Open the door!" He smashes his fist against the bus door.
Bus driver: "No way, man..."
"Open the door! Let me in - let me in!," while hitting the bus continuosly.
"No way!" - "Come on, Open the door!" - "NO!!" - "Don't let him in" - "Let me in" - "NO WAY! GET AWAY! You are too wild!" during this time the cab driver has got back in his car and driven away... passenger inside: "Hey drive on. The road is free"
"Come on! OPEN THE DOOR!"
The bus driver begins to drive away and the drunk man outside jumps infront of the bus, and the bus screeches to a stop again. "What are you doing?" - "Open the door!" - "I'm not opening the door! You are too wild!" - "Open the door!" - "Don't open the door for him" She begins to drive off again a little faster so he can't jump infront. This time the drunk man jumps and hangs on to the door and the side mirror. "Get off!" "Open the door" "Get off!" "Open the door" All this is happening while the bus accelerates to 30 mph... This guy was crazy! I've never seen anything like this in my life... (well, there were those times in Russia...)
Anyway, we've travelled so far with a guy hanging onto the side that we are coming up to a bus stop. Passengers have to get off and passengers have to get on. We have to stop and open the door.
"Don't open the door!"
"I have too - there's passengers!"
"Don't let him on the bus!"
"Hey man, get away from the door! You are not allowed on this bus! You're too wild! You're a wild man!"
She opens the door and for some weird reason the man calms down for a second. "Why didn't you open the door back there?" - "Because you are too wild... No wild man on my bus!"
Passenger: "Hey take him to the cops! There's a precinct just up there."
Driver: "Get out of the way. You have to let these other people on the bus, but you ain't comin!"
I'll never forget what happened next. Two men from the bus who are on their way to work at the airport (with the letters TSA on the back of their shirts) run up to the front, jump from the top of the three stairs inside the bus and tackle the man to the ground outside - punching and fighting follow. Some passengers get on. Some get off.
"Okay. Let's go. I have to get to the airport!"
Driver: "Dude! I can't leave these two guys. They were on this bus on their way to the airport. We have to wait for them."
"What!"
"What am I suppose to do? Leave them?"
"The cops are just up there! Come on!I'm going to miss my flight!"
Later, after a few more minutes of fighting, one of the TSA employees comes back and hops back inside the bus.
Driver: "What should we do?"
"I don't know. Let's go! These people have to get to the airport. Hopefully he can get him to the police. Somebody call them!"
"Okay. Let's go!" She closes the door and drives away. We look back at the drunk man grappling from underneath with the larger TSA man. What a hero! What a sacrifice for the good of the airport bound bus! Finally, the TSA "removing" delays instead of adding to them for once!
The TSA hero will be late for work but he's got a story when he gets there...
Anya was asleep. Wild. Just wild.
A few days later, after Anya's bruise had healed and her concussion subsided, David made it up to a hesitant and fearful Anya, by holding her hand and telling her he was sorry.
